Wednesday, January 25, 2012

happy. and scared....

hubby gets a few bonuses each year, and since we are a single income house, that money usually just sits in the bank until we slowly start depleting it as bills grow and small emergencies arise. but hubby and i talked about it, and we agreed i could spare a small (tiny, teeny) chunk of it to prepare myself for my professional internship that i'll be starting this semester. nothing too fancy, just a couple of nice outfits to wear and some good makeup so i won't have raccoon eyes and smeared lips when i visit all my after lunch patients.

as i ran around town getting the best deals on this lipstick and those shoes, i started thinking about life right now. and i think i am absolutely the happiest i have ever been. i'm graduating in may this year, i'm just a couple of weeks away of starting a real internship in something i've been working toward for 6 years. i'm doing well with my new year's resolutions- i'm down five pounds and my skin has never looked better! i've struck a good balance between gaming and tv time and studying for my comprehensive exams. i spend all day with my adorable kittens and all evening with my amazing hubby, who was recently promoted to job that makes him excited to work each and every day. and now, i have cute dresses and department store make up, to boot. life. is. good.

BUT. oh man, in 5 months, my life is going to change in major way! and yes, supposedly it's going to change for the better. in theory. but theory does not always translate to real life. need i reminded you of the failed experiment we call communism. things are so good and i'm so happy right now, that i can't imagine anything better. thus, any change will be bad and i want to reject it...

i know that isn't logical and being out of school will probably be great. but i'm starting to get pretty freaked out...(emphasis on pretty, cause seriously- between my new skin care regime and that fancy pants foundation, i'm looking good today!)...

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

this is gonna be a nerdy post...

about world of warcraft. run now, if you want.

last week, i finally killed deathwing. for those of you who don't know, deathwing is an evil dragon-who used to be a man- who is responsible for the cataclysm that changed the lands of azeroth forever. flooding, drought, etc. he is also the final boss in the game right now.

for a long while, i was a pretty consistent raider-player who groups up with other players to kill really big baddies. in the cataclysm expansion, i rerolled for the first time ever-gave up my old character and completely started over with a new one. and the questing was awesome! then i got to the max level again, and it took a while, but i found new people to raid with.

a few months back, our raiding group sort of fell apart. slowly, people stopped showing up online at the designated time, we replaced them with some real jerks. other players didn't take it seriously enough (i know, it's just a game) and had no idea how to complete the fights, or did not use the right spells or armor. so i stopped raiding. and i was really sad. at the highest level in the game, there is way more fun stuff to do when you have a group of people. and it's surprisingly hard to find a good group-like in life, i guess.

hubby works for the company that makes the game, and he had a few friends at work that were sort of in the same spot, so we all started playing together. a group of five. and that's been pretty fun. but with the latest content patch, the game started doing this new thing called Looking for Raid. anyone who doesn't have a group can join and it will automatically math you with other groupless people, and you can do the end game fights.

so cool! of course, the fights are a lot easier, and the loot rules stink. BUT for the first time in almost a year, i got to feel connected with my hobby again. i have always identified myself and had been feeling a little lost without getting to be involved with my favorite games. i have a reason to log on at least once a week. now, i feel happy and nerdy again. as it should be. For the Horde!

also, suck it deathwing! i totally pwned you!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

seeing myself...

so today is january 4th. three days into my new year's diet and exercise plan and so far so good. because of my bad knees, i've only been walking for exercise but i've been eating much healthier. it's only been three days, so the scale hasn't gone down or anything. but..

i have noticed that i feel differently. when i walk past my reflection in a mirror,  i no longer think "what a gross icky slob woman." now, i'm noticing areas about myself i do like- my cheek bones, my calves, my arms. i'm liking the way outfits look on me better. so even though i'm not yet seeing physical changes, the mental ones are great! and definitely enough motivation to keep me on track.

after admiring my not-as-big-as-i-used-to-think-it-was waist in my shadow during my walk today, i decided to treat myself to some cherries instead of some left over holiday chocolate as a snack. cherries in decemeber are, after all, much costlier than chocolates, but i'm worth the extra spending...

the last pic of me from 2011-partying with my girlies.  and *hopefully*, me at my heaviest.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

new year, new life

this year, i started thinking about potential new year's resolutions. of course, the same tried and true ones came to mind- be more thrifty, be healthier, do laundry on the regular (cha right, as wayne campbell would say). every year, i've tried to think of some fun goal to have, but the conversation i have with hubby usually goes something like this:

me: "hey, this year let's set a goal to go on a really fun vacation."
hubby: "okay. when is your break from school? i'll ask for some time off"
me: "oh. well, i only get 9 days in the middle of august."
him: "hmmm. that's a pretty bad time. lots going on at work this summer. can you take a few days in march?"
me: "well, that's sort of the middle of midterms, but i can try..."

and then we don't go anywhere. another common conversation:

hubby: "this year, we should start saving for a house."
me: "with what money, rockefellar? we're lucky to get buy on just one income as it is."
hubby: "yeah. you're right. i just hate going to the laundromat!!!"

so, basically, we stopped dreaming big. heck, we stopped dreaming mediocre. BUT this year...this year is different. before the year is even half over, i will be done with school. which means no more slaving away studying for tests or writing papers. it means a second income. we can move. we can travel. i'll have time for real hobbies.

i've been so freaked out the last few months because come may, the one phrase that has described me since i was four ("full-time student") will no longer apply-although, to be fair, at 4 i was probably more inclined to refer to myself as "The Pink Ranger" than a student, but still... i felt like i was losing my identity. but with the new year, for the first time, i'm not mourning the loss of that identity, i'm excitedly looking forward to creating a new one! so, this year, i want to:

-learn how to develop my own film
-move to an apartment/condo/house/whatevs with a washer and dryer (and room to develop film...)
-go to New York at christmas time
-take a sign language class at a community college
-go to vegas at least twice, possibly for next new year's eve
-take a road trip, even if it's just a short one to norcal
-go to disneylnd (can you believe i didn't go once last year! and i live a mile away!)
-beat a whole slew of video games i'm only half way through
-pass my comprehensive exam and freaking graduate!

here's to lots of fun in 2012! or at least the second half!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

secret's out...

i've been attending my graduate program for 2 years now (c'mon May 2012 graduation!) and so far, i've managed to make friends with most of the girls in my program without them knowing too much about me. they know i like vintage clothes (cause i wear them) and that i'm married to a big nerd (video game tester, anyone? one girl actually asked me for advice on how to de-nerd her hubby) but they didn't know my secret. until the end of this past semester.

a girl was in the clinic preparations room and she was all a tizzy. she had no idea what to do with her client. he was only into the "war craft world game." she asked if anyone could help. shyly, i asked if she meant world of warcraft. she did. she said she couldn't have a conversation with the kid because all he did was play "that" game.

"well, um do you know if he plays solo or if he's in a guild?"
"no."
"do you know if he pvps or raids?"
"no."
"has he told you about his gear? there were some new upgrades in a recent patch he might be interested in talking about. or you could also ask him about the lore behind the race he plays. do you know if he's horde or alliance?"
"no."

and at that moment, i realized everyone in the room was looking at me. that was way too many questions for me to "just know" because my husband works there. and there it was. everyone knew.

now everyone knows that i'm a comic book reading, star trek watching, felicia day admiring, "The Guild" loving, League of Legends playing, BlizzCon/ ComicCon attending, level 85 undead hunter. and you know what, it's nice to have it out there. i totally wore my undercity t-shirt to school the next day.

here's to 2012: a year to be totally comfortable being me, making improvements when I think I need to, not when I think I need to fit in, and topping 2011. cause 2011 was really good...

that's me!